Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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