You can't special order awesome
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
