As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
