I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize