Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
