my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
