I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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