I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
