I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
