she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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