1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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