i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
do nipples grow back?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
