Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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