You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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