Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
