I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Randomize
