maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
