office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
