They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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