so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
