So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
