im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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