It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
