i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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