Duck Duck Cougar?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
