Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
