I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize