don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
