Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
