you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
