This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
