I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
