Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
