Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize