I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
