The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
