If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
