When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize