I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
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