Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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