Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
