No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
