Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
