If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
