I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
