He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
