the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
