I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
