Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize