Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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