Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
