did you get engaged???
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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