I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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