You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
