the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
