Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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