we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
