okay pat passed out under dana's car
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
