So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
