i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize