yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i now understand why vodka
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My bed smells like the plague
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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