I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
