We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
