sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
