Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize