Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Shame - the story of my life.
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