Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
