Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
