do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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