My nipple is on Facebook.
Say something about gay babies.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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