We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
