I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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