Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm having to shit out rocks
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
