I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
