My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just invented taco cereal.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
