do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize