tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
