Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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