just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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