I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
