The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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