Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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