I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
