It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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