My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
