So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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