She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
