Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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