drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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