Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
