Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
