so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
