How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
