I will die if light touches me.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
