When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
