i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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