Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
