Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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