Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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