Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
