Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
