i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
