margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
