Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
