you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
