so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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