I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This is not my ceiling
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
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