My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
